Sneaking in the Side Door

I've never actually been any good at Lenten practices, anymore than I am with New Year's resolutions. Despite the fact that I have led a temperate lifestyle for over 50 years, I am an undisciplined lout, and it could be argued that my temperance is the result not of any positive virtue but born of laziness -- I am not motivated enough to indulge in any excess.

I do follow the minimum requirements for fasting and abstinence, although these modern requirements are hardly a burden. I probably would have been a complete failure in the more strict pre-Vatican II days.

Nonetheless, I've kind of snuck in the side door of Lent this year by setting about to consider, as my Lenten practice, my inability to have a Lenten practice. It's a kind of daily owning up to my shortcomings.

I've had to consider my humanness. I've had to consider my limitations. My family knows, for instance, that I would do anything for them. I will do what I have to do to provide for them. I have told them however, that if we are all hungry, and the only job I can find is to be one of those iron workers who walk around on the steel girders of skyscrapers under construction, then they should prepare to starve to death, because I just can not do heights. I can't.

Step one of the 12 Steps is to admit to being powerless over an addiction -- I can't. It is difficult to stand before God and admit that there are areas in my life where I can't -- not that I won't, not that I choose not to -- I just can't. I confess to Almighty God, and to you my brothers and sisters, that I have greatly sinned, in my thoughts, in my words, in what I have done and what I have failed to do.

Step two is to come to believe that a Power greater than yourself can restore you to sanity. If Lent is not to become simply an indulgent self-flagellation, for Lent not to be an exercise in "Catholic guilt," then I have to push past the fact that I can't, and come to believe that the death and resurrection of Christ have meaning, have Power in my life.

Step five of the 12 steps is to "admit to God, ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs." Oh. Yeah, the confession part. Confessions are Saturday mornings, and since it's Lent, we got special Penance Services coming up shortly in several parishes in the area.

So it's been good so far, even if I'm not really good at it.

There are 23 days left until Easter.

Lenten Activity Decision Time

I found this photo taken of my two brothers and me. The one on the left is my oldest brother. He looks like that even though he is now 70 years old. I saw him once eat five Big Mac's in a single sitting along with fries and something to drink. He has a metabolism that allows him to consume huge quantities of food and never gain weight.

The brother in the middle is also my older brother. When he was in high school, my parents actually took him to the doctor to see if there was something that could be done to get some weight on him. Nowadays, he will drink down twelve gallons of beer and imagine that he's already eaten. If you try to serve him a cooked meal, when you remove the cloche to reveal the goodies, he will jump back from the table, then with a long stick in one hand and a beer in the other, slowly poke at the food.

Personally, I have followed what might be called a culinary "middle way," a path somewhat like the one that Buddha described as a moderation between the extremes of sensual indulgence and self-mortification.

I was thinking about these things in part because we are approaching Ash Wednesday and Lent, and I was trying to think about what I might do to focus myself on the task at hand -- what activity can I incorporate into my daily routine that will prompt me to consider the state of my relationship with God?

To be honest, I am fairly lousy with Lenten activities, just like I'm bad at New Year's resolutions. I don't think I'm going to give anything up. I'm at a time and place in life where "giving up" is an all too common activity, and not always a good idea. Prayer is a great activity, and there's always room for improvement, but prayer is something I've been able to spend a lot of time revising, and that's an ongoing project, not something "new" for Lent.

I think I need some kind of physical activity, something that I can do at the same time every day, something that will make me spend a half an hour or so thinking about how the circumstances of my chosen middle way lifestyle have perhaps left me a little too comfortable, a little too complacent, perhaps even soft around the middle. I might even try to incorporate the Stations of the Cross into that activity. I've been to a number of places that have an outdoor Stations trail, and maybe I can lay out a route around town that would allow me to walk and pray the Stations at the same time.

Whatever it's going to be, I need to decide by tomorrow, eh? Maybe I'll just give up procrastinating. I'll at least think about it.



 

Sand Saves the Day!!!

Nascent Grape

By the time you are reading this, Lent will probably be over. I'm looking back over my Lenten resolution, and as usual, I didn't do a good job of keeping up with it. I usually don't. I'm not sure why that is, but I can never remember a time when I chose a Lenten activity and was able to stick to it for all or even for most of Lent. As a result, I have developed a Lenten spirituality based on failure. 

Nascent Tomato

 My Lenten practice, or lack thereof, is a reminder to me that I am not the master of my fate. There are things that I can not obtain on my own, and salvation is one of those things. I do really and truly need Christ's coattails if I am to have a shot at heaven.

Nascent Cherry

I could have, and in the past certainly have, felt guilty about my lack of success in Lent. But Sand said something to me that made a lot of sense. In an unrelated conversation, I was telling her that I am really enjoying doing chores around  the house now that I am home. 

Nascent Saint

Life, she said, is supposed to be about living -- cooking, eating, resting, playing, all in good measure -- and preparing for life in the world to come. Life is a phase, a time of transition into something else. Like the tiny fruits of spring, we are meant to be much more than we are...someday, but not yet. That that day will come is the promise of Easter. In the meantime, we hang tight and grow as best we can; and that is the lesson of Lent.

Mud, Sweat and Jeers

This past Sunday, the Gospel reading was the story of the healing of the man born blind (John 9:1-41). This is a great story, and perhaps my favorite passage in all of the Bible.

Jesus encounters a man who was blind from birth. He heals the man using a generic mud made from dirt and spit. As far as I know, he had no prescription for this, nor is there any mention of him obtaining authorization from a Primary Care Provider, which is probably what got the both of them in trouble.

What ensues is an argument that involves virtually the whole town, and everything was called into question. Representatives from the large phariseutical companies wanted an investigation and an injunction against the use of mud and spit (probably obtained from Canada). The man born blind was subpoened several times, however all his testimony was thrown out after his parents refused to confirm or deny his existence. His mother repeatedly answered I have no recollection of that when asked about the details of his birth.. Arguments raged, protestors stood outside the temple and shouted we demand what we want, and young children carried signs that said please don't sacrifice our future. "And there was division among them..." is the way the gospel writer understates it.

At the end of the day, nothing was resolved. Jesus himself stayed out of the whole affair. I liked that about him. He never much got into arguing. As important as he thought his work was, he didn't get bogged down in arguing with anybody. Even in the end, when he was finally arrested, beaten and forced to stand trial, when asked if the charges against him were true, Jesus basically shrugged and said whatever.

There is no shortage of things to argue about in our day. In fact the arguments are getting so heated that I worry that the we're going to start shoving back and forth and the whole bar will be wrecked in the ensuing brawl.

When I read in the media some of the horrible and vile things said about the Church, I think about this gospel story. I can understand why the Pharisees were concerned -- they had their agendas to promote. And I know that there are stupid and criminal people in the Church who, like Judas, are willing to sell out the Church for their own ends. At the end of the day, nothing much will be resolved. There will still be those who oppose the Church, there will still be those who do not understand the Church. So be it.

Yet in the quiet away from the hubbub, almost unnoticed in fact, in the tabernacles of our Church, is Jesus present in the Eucharist. For the moment, don't worry about condoms, chauvinism, Dan Brown or Obamacare. The legitimacy of what we claim to be as a church resides there.

Everybody in agreement? Of course not! They weren't back then, have never been, aren't going to be now.As a catechist, I never tell people what they should believe, only what I believe, and I don't argue.

All I know is what I've seen.

A Stitch in Time

I have started a cross stitch project. A picture of what it will someday look like is just to the left. Sand introduced me to cross stitch years and years ago. I don't remember the circumstances of why she might have done that. I did one little piece, and recall being reasonable pleased with the process, but not pleased enough apparently to try it again. Of course that was back in the day, as they say. I was working long hours and didn't feel any need to find a pastime.

Things change however. Now, I am not working long hours. I am busy with this and that -- a future blog will treat the issue of shelves, for example. I've put up more shelves in the house in the past year than in the entire rest of my life. And I have yet to encounter a boring day. A significant amount of my time has been devoted to trying to regain some spiritual discipline in my life. Finding myself outside the former NUMMI plant with a big boot mark on my butt presented me with the opportunity to do a self inventory, and one thing I knew I had to do with my time was to re-establish some spiritual discipline. Perhaps because I am a product of my culture, I assumed I could knock that out in a few weeks and move on. Well, either I was spiritually more decrepit than I thought, or spiritual renovation occurs on its own unique timetable, but here it is almost a year later and I find that if I had to estimate how much I've accomplished, I would say that I am maybe 75% of the way to where I want to be.

Where do I want to be? Just a bit further, I'm sure.

During this past NFL season, Troy Aikmen (the former Dallas quarterback and now one of Fox television's sportscasters) made several references to young quarterbacks reaching a point in their play where "the game slows down." He was referring to that point at which experience begins to kick in, and a player starts to see more of what's going on around him. He's been around the block enough to quickly recognize patterns and is able to anticipate outcomes and recognize opportunities more easily. It happens in every workplace. There are those people that seem to be so calm and collected in their jobs, and they're smooth, seemingly always one step ahead.

I think I will be able to recognize when I reach the point where spiritually "the game slows down." There will come a point where prayer will flow more naturally and easily. There will be time when I won't have to think so hard about what is the right thing to do next. There will come a time when no matter how much turmoil there is around me, I will be able to be at peace.

Oddly, there are incredibly mundane things you can do to obtain these lofty goals. "Avoid idleness," Father Dom Lorenzo Scupoli advises in the 16th century classic The Spiritual Combat. "Avoid idleness and be awake and vigilant, and busied with the thoughts and deeds which befit your state of life."

There really is some wisdom in that. Of the people that I've talked to that are retired -- voluntarily or otherwise -- the ones who are having a hard time coping talk about being bored or feeling directionless, and the ones who are doing well say they keep themselves busy doing something they like. One guy now has enough time to devote to his long time hobby of restoring old cars. That's a little too rich for me of course. I am cheap, something that I listed as a good point on my personal inventory incidently. That's one of the reasons that cross stitch appealed to me. I spent less than five dollars on this project (a kit that includes fabric, thread, instructions, and even the needle), and another couple for the plastic hoop that holds the material. For that modest investment, I will keep myself occupied for many hours, and in the end have a pretty little piece of art.

There is a satisfaction in having an activity to pass time, something to keep the mind from wandering too far afield. That might have been obvious to everybody else in the world, but I don't know that I would have understood that a year ago. I was too busy to understand the beauty of being busy.

So, how many cross stitch projects and how many new shelves will it take before my game slows down?

I'm just hoping my game slows down before it stops, if you catch my drift.

Results of the Election are In!!!

Bishop with Miter and Crosier

The Rite of Election was held this past Sunday at the Cathedral in Stockton, Ca., as it was at every Cathedral in every diocese in the country, and for that matter, every country throughout the world. In the ceremony, local church communities present to the bishop those people who are seeking to join the Church and who are judged to be properly prepared to do so. The bishop acknowledges their intentions and their readiness, and calls them to the final period of preparation before their initiation into the Church at Easter.

I don' t know the exact number, but there appeared to be at least 150 catechumens there to  be "elected," and this was just one of two services. There was another rite on Tuesday night for the parishes that didn't attend Sunday. Considering that this scene was reenacted in all 177 dioceses in the US and over 2700 dioceses world wide, there are a lot of people trying to join the Church.

You have to admire them. It takes more than a wee bit of courage to want to join the Catholic Church nowadays. We've got some issues that we are dealing with, and the whole idea of religion is increasingly viewed "with a jaundiced eye" as they say. Yet there they are, by the thousands, asking to be let in.

I've always been fascinated by the encounter of Peter and Jesus where Jesus asks who do you say I am?If Peter admits to what he is thinking, he could be carted off to the loony bin. If he is at all convinced that he is right about what he is thinking, then he has to admit to himself that the person he is standing in front of is God, the inventor of the universe. How likely is it that some guy you meet while you're fishing turns out to be famous?  I mean really, really famous. We're talking uber-famous here. And you and he (and probably his mother) are the only ones who realize just how famous he really is. 

I would like to believe that since I have been involved in the preparation of the four catechumens our parish presented to the bishop, that I had some influence on their decision to join the Church, but I know from having done this for more than twenty years, that what happens happens between the catechumens and God. Like Peter, the catechumens will hear the question and will make up their own minds. I am around to make sure everyone knows where the bathrooms are and that there is plenty of toilet paper.

So, pray for the catechumens, if you would. There is still more than a month before they are baptized. There is still time for them to say this is crazy, I'm outta here. And since it's Lent, take some time to celebrate the anniversary of your own decision. Clear your calendar for an hour or so, light a few candles to set the mood, open a bottle of wine, and sit down with God to reminisce about when you met, when you realized this wasn't just a story, when you realized that your relationship was, at least for him, deadly serious.

"Oh yeah, well you're stupid."

The Screamer

I remember when we were kids and would get into arguments about things. More often than not, the argument ended up in name calling and insults.

"Oh yeah, well you're stupid."
"Oh yeah, well you eat boogers."
"So does your mother."
"Your mother eats boogers on her spaghetti."

And so on. It seems to me that now that we've all grown up and matured, we call this politics. I try not to get involved in these discussions, not because I am lofty and above all of that, but because I generally got stuck at the "oh yeah" part of the argument, not being quick enough to come up with a proper insult.

It may just be that arguing is human nature. One of my favorite stories in Christian scriptures is when Jesus heals the blind man, and a tremendous argument breaks out in the town about that happened. Some people claimed that the man who could see wasn't even the man who was blind, but only someone who looked like the blind man. Or maybe he hadn't really been blind at all. Maybe his parents had just lied about. Jesus himself stayed out of the argument, getting involved only after the healed man, having been judged stupid and ignorant, gets thrown out into the street. There, with the big argument continuing in the background, the two of them meet and become friends.

One could image Rush Limbaugh saying "this is just another example of the administration using smoke and mirrors in an attempt to make you think that they know what's best for you, that they have all the answers."Or Nancy Pelosi saying "they want you to believe that this kind of back alley medical care is good enough for women."

Well, let them argue. It is Lent. I'm going to just ease on out into the street, into the quiet, and see who I can see. I am pretty sure that after Easter I'll be able to find another argument if I want one, in fact I am sure that the same one will still be going on.

Of course, there are those who say that this whole Lenten thing is a silly waste of time, another attempt of the Church to burden us with a pointless sense of guilt.

Oh yeah!?!

See you outside.

Lent and the Pharaoh

Pharaoh Qui-tankhamun

It's Ash Wednesday. I was tooling around the Net and ran across this description of Lent: "Mardi Gras is short-lived friends: For, tomorrow, we begin Lent, the 40-day bummer of a tradition that forces us (Catholics) to give up some prized possession or idea until Easter. Of course, since I am a horrible Catholic, I won’t be giving up chocolate, macaroni and cheese..." (Click if you'd like to see the rest)

One of the comments left on the site said "It's times like this that I thank God He didn't make me Catholic." Another one said "Lent is for #@%. Just live."

It got me to thinking that I was too hard on Yul Brynner. I always thought that Yul looked a bit silly as Rameses in The Ten Commandments. The guy would run around wearing his little camp skirt with no top, loaded with bling... I mean how silly can you get?

 It is possible, I suppose, that Rameses might have dressed that way because even back then dressing for success was important. It could be that when he put his skirt on, slipped into the little armbands, donned the pharaoh's headdress, he felt good. His clothes were well tailored and made from the finest linen; his bling was real bling. He would have stood out in any crowd, and then as now, being that well decked out gives you a psychological boost. You carry yourself a bit differently. Ask any man if he feels differently in a tuxedo, and the answer will almost always be yes.

Our "forty day bummer of a tradition" is like a tux -- if we put on Lenten activities correctly, they work on our psyche in a subtle fashion, and we begin to stand up a little straighter, feel a little more responsible. We begin to believe that we are capable of being a better person, more aware, more in control.

Bernie dressed as Pharaoh

Admittedly, there are limits to the 'clothes make the man" adage. There comes a point at which another phrase comes to mind...lipstick on a pig. This is why it is important to both understand why Lenten activities are necessary and desirable and to choose a Lenten activity that makes sense. Lenten activities are supposed to jar us out of our normal routines and to remind us to contemplate our relationship with God -- kind of like tying a string around your finger to remind you do do something, or setting your phone to remind of whose birthday it is. Of course if you have no relationship with God, giving something up to remind yourself to think about that might be pretty useless. In that case, it might be better to do something positive, like everyday writing a one or two sentence answer to the question "in what ways today did I demonstrate that I  was truly an  #@%?" If you need help with the answer, ask the people you work with.

I'm not giving anything up for Lent, although I may tag along with anybody in the household who is trying to eat less. I'll do that because I simply can't fit into my camp skirt anymore. I am going to  try an old Catholic Lenten practice and recite the Seven Penitential Psalms each day, something Pope Innocent III suggested we all do back in the 1200's. I'll use the Good News Bible's translation of the psalms since that is easier for me to understand.

It times like this that I thank God he made me Catholic. And as Rameses used to say, so let it be written, so let it be done.