The Big Picture

Pushing Up Daisy

Talking with my daughter is always interesting. She is one of those people who seems intensely focused on what's in front of her. Her focus is so intense that it seems to exclude everything else. It's probably this characteristic that makes her a valuable asset to her employer -- a pitbull mentality that allows her to latch on to something and not let go.

She is like that with her art as well. She is an extraordinarily talented artist, and when she is creating, the house could be on fire around her and she would not notice, she would simply remain serenely absorbed in her project. And when she turns her attention to her family, it is as if nothing else in the universe matters.

One could easily get the impression that by being so absorbed and focused, she is unaware of the "big picture," and in point of fact she doesn't talk much about the big picture. She does not try to convince anybody that she has the right answers; she does not often let anyone know her opinion about things in general. She is, as I said, focused on what's in front of her.

So it's always surprising in those moments when she turns her attention to me and focuses, when she shares her thoughts about stuff, that I find that she does indeed have an incredible grasp of the big picture. Her observations are fresh and real and her own -- they are not regurgitated lyrics from some song.

She said that one of the problems with approaching marriage in our culture is that we don't want to think about death. We don't want to think about whether we will make the commitment to be there for someone when they are dying. "The truth is," she said, "that we get old, we get gross, and we die. Someday my boobs will be down to my knees, and no matter how much I wash, I'm going to smell. Are we really prepared to accept that?"

As to all the other stuff that occurs in life -- illness, failed marriages, adversity -- she says you've got to believe that if there is a God, it's all good, it all serves a purpose, and if there isn't a God, it doesn't matter.

I know people that say this, but for them it's a desperate hope, a straw to be grasped at. But for my daughter, there is a calm intensity in her statement that says this is not a guess, this is sure knowledge.

It is all good.