A Passing Thought

Mom

     It’s been a couple of weeks since I received word that Mom had died. That was an answer to prayer. At 90, life is pretty much a waiting game. Mom had issues to deal with, but I don’t know that life was the place that she could deal with them. I personally believe that she suffered from abuse as a child, but have never been able to figure out if that was the malicious behavior of an individual or simply the toll that the “normal” trauma of life exacts on a delicate soul. Mom could overreact to things and could imagine persecution where there was none. She seemed incapable of letting go, of letting bygones be bygones. She frequently was like Percy, a cat we used to have, who sat and stewed for hours, his tail switching with increasing annoyance the more he thought about something.

     Her defining relationship, that of wife, was a complete disaster for her. Yet even if all of what she said had happened really had, the bottom line was that life was not nearly as difficult as she imagined it to be. She herself made it miserable, and in the process, she tried to make as many others as possible feel that misery with her. And the shame of that is that she really was not a bad person at heart. I believe that she really tried to do what is right. How her vision of right got to be as broken as it was…who knows? I don’t. And now she’s taken the answer to her grave.

     I believe that her interest in God was sincere, so that being baptized and remaining faithful to the precepts of the Church, she can claim the mercy of God at this point in her life. As a Catholic, I find solace in the idea of Purgatory, a time after death where those who are destined for heaven may have to undergo a final purification (purgation) to be made ready to enter into God’s presence. It is somewhat analogous to the story of Moses approaching the burning bush (Exodus 3). As he approaches the bush, God calls to him and orders Moses to take off his sandals before entering upon holy ground.  

     One of the reasons I prayed for Mom’s death was that I believe that she was incapable of further addressing her spiritual condition. She had gone as far as she could under the circumstances. Was that good enough? Shouldn’t she have been able to do better? Could be.  Maybe. Who knows. But now, by God’s mercy, she will have the undistracted time to complete her purgation, and she will have the help she needs to do that unfettered by the distractions of the flesh. And yes, there are distractions of the flesh even at 90. In Mom’s case there were still raging emotions, ones that she was incapable of controlling. Maybe she should have been able to, but the bottom line is that for her, she couldn’t do it, not in the flesh. Now, however, unless there is a darker, more sinister secret than I can imagine, she is in Purgatory, where, through the mercy of God, she will have access to all that she needs to complete her task.

     Good luck Mom. I wish you well, and I will keep you in my prayers.